As I stood in front of the mirror, my heart waited with great anticipation and my mind looked back. Looking back at the path I had traveled and the dark valleys I had endured; I realized I never thought I would ever experience this day. Some would say it was my day. Most would say it was a perfect day. While I cannot disagree with that at all, there were other days that were equally astonishing and I cannot forget one particular day…
Still nervous and uncertain as Jeff drove me back to my house after a nice evening out to dinner and a concert, I chose to rest that God would give me clarity and answer my prayer. Leading up to this date, I prayed extremely specific. Praying with great specifics was a part of my everyday life. That’s how this single mom chose to thrive. I knew Jeff was different. I knew a deep friendship was developing quickly, but I was nervous to look further. So, I prayed…
“Lord, if you are in this, then I need to hear Jeff say something about Ruth and Boaz”
Driving through the mountains on that clear night, Jeff said to me,”I would like to talk with your pastor and introduce myself. He doesn’t know me and he and his family have invested in your family. I am not seeking his permission, but I do want him to know my intent to pursue you. You know like Boaz gave his sandal (at the gate) for Ruth.” I can still feel all of my feelings and hear my thoughts even now as I write this. As I walked into my house and Jeff drove away, I bowed my head and whispered, “Thank you”. Thank you for hearing me, God. Thank you for noticing me, God. In that moment, I knew that God was leading me on a very different path and whatever would come only He could orchestrate.
For 1,140 days, I lived the single mom life. It’s an every day life. It’s hard. It’s lonely. It’s exhausting. It’s unknown. It’s things I never thought I would have to do and face. It’s part of the reason I am ready to tell my story and it is the same reason I don’t want to relive it. Yet it is the story that gives the sweet melody to the song. Long before I began to experience and be wrapped in that Blessed Assurance; I had to face a few heart-wrenching realities.
God answered my prayer with the very specific answer I needed. He had done that several times before in other circumstances when I began my single mom journey. He had continually assured me that He gripped me with His secure grip. He would never let me go. He held my children and He would father them ever so gently. However, there was a part of my heart that was still not sure. I feared vulnerability and I found myself overprotective of me. There were years of damage that I never wanted to experience again. There was fear.
But on this day, the day I stood in front of the mirror facing all my hopes and dreams and my past, I knew I could let go. I could let go of holding it all together. I could rest. My Heavenly Father whispered to my heart, It is your story, but it is My song that gives you grace.
…and now for the past several months, I have known that I am to tell this story. I admit, I get overwhelmed because of the vulnerability it requires. I ask you to please be gentle with me. I need your encouragement. I need you to pray for me. I need you to email me and let me know how God is using this to work in your life. I need you to walk with me. After all, there is a story behind the song.
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